Helaia and the world
by BreeanaAllTheWay
Summary: Italy adventrues wif merica and germany! den nicki minaj!
1. Chapter 1: Italy merica and gmernay

Errrrmaaaaageeeerd. Thx fer verwing dis sotry I know it's a litte rough guys, thisis mah first helatieo fanfic!

Chapthao 1: Hetalia and the owoerld

Italy wuz wakin down the town in merica. "OMG" Italy exclaim! Dis town is so big and the lights tickle my d fancy more than pasta on a rownboat.

"Italyy, how you like mah homecounty?" merican excited. !

"Q_Q!" Italy says.

"hohoho!, we have much cuisine for you here!" said America. Den da nicki minaj come oiut of the ritz carlton and was like "hai boyz, I'm nickii minaja, and I don't give a fuck so give me aoll ur gunz."

"Bitch you jsp just want my D!" siays American.

"B=but Germany where you aaaat?!" creid italia.

"RIGHT HEREEE!" SHOUT Germany, as he roundhouse kick minaj in the ass.

"omg my plasticz azz be burstin' up in dis shit!" "you aint seen da last uh meh" shouted nick.

"wow, Germany you da beast" said merica.

"yea ikr " says Germany.

"we should get out, I saw enough of America in the past minutes to see for a lifetime of atrocities!" exclaim Italy.

"yea okay" said germnay

"ttyl" America voiced while waving his gloved hand.

"bai" shout Italy.

AND THEY WENT HOME.


	2. CHapter 2: ENTER japnses

MMMmmm, thx fur duh rviews dey mean da wulrd to meh. Eyeyeyeeye.

Her come chp two:

Japnese sat at his thei table not thinking bout nothinds. 'hm, idk y italia no text meh back yett,?!" he taught to hisself. He just text him like forty min ago, I mean how rudea can yiou be ami right? Staring at duh black phne screen, japnese start to dirft off to unconsiusnes SUDDENLY there be a boom.

BOMO!

"OMG screeted japnese! Mericans be acomin! I no prpare for dis moment? Then the merican shot through windown wif a .31 clabur beam pistol.

"AYAAYAY!" CREAMED MERICAN.

" Not for the day , so long as hit be bright wil I loose to you fat sas!" spite japann the mann.

"tha b what iyou think"? said maericna. And the nicki minja crash donw upon thetown. She reek so much havoc dat the city dweller s shriekds "Godzilla!: "

"oh no " though Japanese, 'now whaaat?"

"frear not tough torpedo!" scream italia as he come out thorugh Japanese bellybutton!

"Helatio I text you like 40 min ago an d you never text back, donlt even tlka to me!" saiys ja.

"sry, I was prepping to get hedre fast cause I knew merican would be here!"

" hoew you evne know dat" ask japane.

"I saw it in my pasata" shout Italy and he cugt mericans throate wif a eigth fot long machete.

"ughhgh." Mericna cry, 'this not the last of meh you fairy fucks" he cry out.

Duh nicki minaj parachuted out of duh city but the damange wuz still dun.

"omg Italia you save my nation" Japanese softly crumbed. As he fell to teh ground.

'rest easy little frog' italia whisper as he lay down to.

AND THEY WENT HOME.


	3. Chapter 3: Bonjur France

A/N: Yo, guyz sry dat I be not her lately, butt I been going to duh hot topic and yeh. Sry. Her chapt 3!111!

"Gemrnay duh nicki manga be gone four ever after dat fight!" italia say.

"yeah , she will nein be here ever agein." Germnay say in monotonous speech.

Italiy look up to duh sky and grin. Dis was prob the best day of his exeistence. WHEN SUDDENLY!

"Bonjur I be duh france how goes it moi?" cry out francos. His blond her flowing sway like in the wind. (He is SOOOOO hottttt !). He was like a night in shiny armor wif his tight a$$ and sunkissed skinn.

"OMG France leave meh alone" Cry italia scared of the hot mann.

"relax my sherry, I am not her for u" Franks say eyeing Gernmay, eyes gleaming like he had glaucoma or some shit.

"francy pants, stay outta her , I not gay" say germnay blushing.

"NO, YOU ARE GERMNAY, I SEE IT IN MY PASTA!11!' CRY out Italy, turban on hiss shit brown hair.

"What!?" germnay cry out? "no, I am not, your patsa is rong italia"

"Frances says no it couldn't be , I know what I feeling right now" says Francois.

"R-really, !" Germnay. Ask, skeptical.

"yep" italis say confirmation style.

"I bust ur a$$ open if you lieing italia" Germnay say heavy with anger and hunger. He had not eaten since 1845.

Suddenly merican show up out of duh blue.

"Yo, meh swaggy bubs , how it hangin"? America ask wif pizza in his left hand, a rifle in duh other.

"merican , leave meh b" SHOUT ITALY

"srsly, merica we have a big problem here" germnay say. "I might be gay"

"WHAT! Mercian excalm. "congradulations, happy birthday!"

"T-thank you merican" Frances say, tears of happy in his cataract stricken eyes.

Germnay turn to france and kiss him….. on the lips… on the face…..on his head…. That sits upon his finely chisled neck…

"PASTA" SHOUT ITALY.

AND THEY HAD A GOOD DAY!


	4. Chapter 4: CANADA

A/N: Hola! Her iz chapter 4, enjoy!1! (dang, I am onn a role!)

**PREVIOULSY:**

_Germnay iz the gay, maybe… francos was ther, italia sees the future in hiz wisdomly pasata, and merican is badassery in a can!_

**Chapter 4:**

*sigh* Canada say as he looks over balcony that is on teh second story of his own home. I wunder why amercina wanted to come ovar today? He think aloud while pacing. Merican wuz nvr very nice to Canadian and he always was an ass. 'y do ppl even like him/'?' ask Canada? What he has that I don't? 'well, except 4 a long, slender body, luscious locks of golden tress, leaky eyes, facial hair on Sundays, and a brain that smokes joints all day erryday…..' *sigh* sighed canadia again. He always would be second. Then the America began graceful descent down canadias soft driveway. *sigh* time to go greet him- canadia say gatherin hiz libido.

"HELLO CANADIA!11!1" Screeched merican grinning like a serial killer amongst cereal.

" hello merican, how are u?" ask Canada forcing one of those fake smilez (like when u r at ur grandmas house and she gives you socks for ur b day and then shes all "happy b day!1! I got u sockz" and u be like "thx grandma" and force a smile, but inside you be like "fuck").

"awesum as always dude, how you are?" merican asked taking a bite out of his burger, while he loaded his .19833758 calibur solar-beam-death-ray-glock32-rapid-fire-get-ready-for-action- pistol.

"o, thatz nice, wood you like to cum inside?" ask Canada beckoning 2 tha door.

"obvi dude!1!' amercina say pushing canadia to tha ground as he flew inside the door.

"ow" canadia cry out, 'that hurt meanie" he thinked.

"nice place ya got here!" merican say admiring canadas nice pad.

"thx, merican, I worked hard for it" canadia say real genuine.

SUDDENLY!

"CANADIA DON'T MOVE!11111! MERICAN GOING TO SHOOT UR ASSHILE INTO REMISSION IN 2.2 SEC. I SAW IT MY … PASTA!" ITALIA SAY BURSTING THROUGH CANADIAS FAV WINDOW AT ABOUT MACH 10 .

"AHHHH" Canada scream bending over to avoid a bullet.

"NO I SWEAR DIS IS NOT MY DOING!?" MERICAN CRY OUT, CRYING.

!

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5: American gets hurt

A/N: Yo. Yo. Yo. I am just keeping em cumming like on a roll, here comes chapter 5!

When we left off, canadia waz aboot (get it, Canada!? Hahahahahah) to get hiz shit blown up and strewn out on da lawn like the trash on teusdays.

**Present:**

"AHHH" canda shrieks as he is about 2 get hiz ass whoppered. Tears of heavy feeling flowed down his pasty ass skin.

"NOO merica why u do this to him!?1" italia shrieked in totally rad horror suspense. The poor thing wuz about to practically shart hisself.

"I cant control it!" cry out it was true, his arm wuz acting out on its own, (like a rebellious teenager who admisiters death kicks to hiz cat every mourning before he goes to school, only to cuddle with the cat later- it was an uncontrollable urge). Americans arm was shoot Rapid FIRE now!

"omg!' Canada cry ducking behind a couch just narrowly avoiding a shot to teh head.

Then germnay bust threw the window and pop three caps into mericans a$$!

"GERMNAY IT MY ARM NOT MY A$$ CONTROLLING DIS GUN?/?" MERICAN SCREAM IN PAINFUL ANGER. His ass leaked out fluid juices and bloody torment like a volcano.

"HMPH!" GERMNAY GRUNT POPPING A CAP INTO mericans arm.

"OTHER ARM DUMBSHIT, THE ONE WIF DUH GUNN!" American scream, desperately trying to stop the liquids from cumming out of his body. Germandy try to shoot mericans other arm, but he all out of bullets?!

"damn, going to have to stab it!" germnay yell as he charges American full force style with his sword in his left hand. With one clean slice mericans gun wielding hand was put out of power like when georgis bush stopped being prez. American fainted.

"AHH omg, we need to take him to hospital NOW or he will die, I see it in my pasta!" Italy cry out looking into his mean green bowl of linguini.

'take him to meh car' canadia say no recovered from such terror.

'gotcha ' germnay say carrying merican bridal style.

Canadia drove a 2008 lambo wif duh spider seats and everything. (lol chris brown reference!) then they rush mericans busted a$$ to duh Canadian hospital where they rushed him to the emergency room because he was in some deep shit. ….

To Be Continued…


	6. Chapter 6: Mind Ctrl Of A Arm

**A/N: Thx 4 viewing!1! dis' chaptah is going to b real, so fasten your goddamn seatbelts…**

_In The Canadian Hospital:_

"merican' can't die!" Germnay say crying tears of salty rivers. They flow down his white face lyke a ravine in duh amazon- so beatiful and volumizing like the lo'real shampoo. But don't put shampoo in you eyes 'cause it hurts like shit!1 (trust meh)

"don't worry germney, American won't die! I can SEE IT IN MY PASTA!" ITALIA say looking into his large bowl of bon apetit titty.

"I hop not itali, I would fel bad if I was responsible for the death of this burger eating-alien loving- French fry shoveling-faggot of a sexual deviant. (if yuou know wat I mean?!)

"don't worry" Italy say with a reassurance smile, then he turn back to duh embroidery he been working on (cause that's what you do in hosptails waiting rooms)

All of a sudden, merican start convulsing! He chest move up and down, heaving as he spat up a mixture of blood and burgers. Sweat glossed over his head.

"NURSE GET IN HERE NOW!" Germnay scream as he vomit from the fear.

Den italia vomit too cause germnay's vomit was gross.

"FUCK!" yell the nurse, 'stop vomiting on mah floor!' The nurse has big round behind and hair and looked lyke someone italia knew from Christmas past…..

Looking at his fetacheeni ( idk how to spell dis pasta name so deal) embroidery, italia remember it was duh nicki minaj!1! "minaj chan what are ya doin in her?" little Italy say with much wonder.

"I be a nurse now, rapping wasn't going so well." The nicki minaj say turnin back to merican who was looking so dead but he wasn't dead he was just unconscious.

"his arm got mind controlled and he rampaged hard, but we don't know why his arm got controlled?" germnay say with a questioning look on his battle hardened war face.

"what would ya'll say if I said it was meh who was the controller of mericans bulbous arm?" minaj chan say hooking up said bulbous arm with an IV drip.

"WHAT?!" italia and germnay say, glaring at nicki. They were so angered and confused.

"WTF?!" Germany yell taken off guard.

"I DEFINETLY DIDN'T SEE THAT IN MY PASTA?!" ITALIA yell.

"HAHAHAHA!" minaj chan chuckle harder than truffles the silly piggy from Dave The Barbarian.

TO BE CONTINUED….


	7. Chapter 7: i don't remember the title

Chapter 7: No More Mind Ctrl plz!

_Last chapter we learnt dat merican's arm was being mind contorted by minaj chan…._

"yo, dis' nigga's blood pressure is dripping to extremely low dangerous levels, as dangerous as like steppin' on a lego that you kid sister left laying on duh' floor in duh' living room on duh' floor den once you foot steps on teh lego you be like "SHIT THAT HURTZ LYKE GOD, WHY, JUST Y?!". (Lego's relly hurt to step on, they can even sometimes rip yo sockz.)

"No! 'merican can't die her, help him quick minaj chan!" germnay yell worried ovah what could happen to duh poor merica. Merican;s sweet face wuz lookin' all sick, like when you eat some bad chicken and den later you get all green lookin' and you parents be all like "why so green? Ya' look like shrek?" Den you say "I not shrek, I don't even eat those onions, it be because I'm sick from stank ass chicken" Then the 'rents say "ok, just try to get better fo later 'cause gramma' be coming OGRE to our home!" and you say "yeh".

As americans blood pressure drop more, germnay turn to italia and say "what do you see in you pasata ITALY?" germnay say, wif eyes brimming with desperation.

Italia look into his steamy hot pasta..summoning up all hiz Sicilian powers…

"Not even the pasata know what will become of 'merican germnay, I sorry!" italia say crying sort of but not really 'cause merican wasn't actually his favorite person in the world, he was jerk like sometimes and he was fat from eating hamburgers all the time. The room smelled like sick person and Lysol, italia's least favorite smells.

"damn" germnay say disappointed in italia, he had expected better of that pasta loving clown.

All of a sudden American puked again and this time it was all burger, no blood.

Den' merican spit out dying words, they say as follows "germnay come closer…." Merican whisper all sickly.

Germnay draw near, tearing up. He grab merican's frail arm, "what is is merica?" germnay ask keeping it together for his pal.

"I need…." Merica start to say then he coughs a ton.

"NEED WHAT?!" Germany yell eager to hear his words.

"I need….a …. Hamburger!" merican says finally finishing his dying words. Italia shoots a mcdonald's burgr in between merica;s sweet pink lips and into his dripping wet hole. As he swallows his delicious slab of meat, merican' closes his eyes and moans lightly….

"he dead minaj chan say…." The rom grow queiter than a fart in church.

"I AIN'T DEAD BITCHES IN FACT I BETTER THAN EVER!" MERICAN yell jumping out of the stupid hospital bed.

"America we thought you be dead" Everyone (even minaj chan) yell!

"turns out it wasn't even the stab or bullet wounds that almost killed me, It was the fact that It had been two days since I ate my last burger!" merican explain.

"ooohhhh" says everyone, den minaj chan jumped out the window, because not only had she failed as a rapper but also as a nurse to the patients.

Den everyone laugh and return home, except Canada who had just arrived at the hospital only to be told everyone had left him all to his lonesome.

TO BE CONSTITUTION…..


	8. Chapter 8: Spring Luv

**Chpter 8: Spring Luv **

Francee just got off phone wif Germnay, he found out merican' had brushin wif death a little while ago, but he is fine now.

'That is many reliefs off my chest' Francey pants thinks as he looks out the bay window off his two story high rise in france. 'bay windows are nice' france ponders 'they let u c so much of the world in such a small package'. 'It's also nice how the jut out from teh house and how you can put kawaii nik-naks in them, or Christmas decorations….' The reflections in French Fries mind were like that of a college philosophy major- C's get degrees (ammi right?). Simple, but the insight is all there.

Batting hiss bootiful blue eyelashes, French sigh. It had been so long since he last hung out with any of his friends….. actually….. it had been so long since he last got hung in general. He needed a gf. Only problem is who was there 4 him 2 luv? None of any of the gf's he had in his past were ever good. They all sucked, but in a good way, like those expensive prostitutes in Hollywood.

France set out to pick up a few things he needed at the gorecery store. He look down at hiz grovery list it reed: 5 bag-its, 1 gal of mlk, 2 wheels of cheese, and a jar of kosher dill pickles. 'Simple enough' Frenchme thought to hisself as he stroll down the cobblestone street of France. It was a lovely spring day. Nice weather. Nice grass. Nice air. Nice plants. Nice a$$.

While he was thinking about Nice a$$ France bump into something that looked like what the word sexy sounded like. Bottom line, it was the most hot gurl French had ever seem. She had loooong raven colored black hair down to her butt wif a red streak in her bangs, red eyes, porcelain skin, and D-cups. She was wearing a black leather jacket with a MCR t-shirt underneath, fishnets, a black leather skirt, and black thigh high boots. She also had a backpack with many different band buttons pinned onto it. She also had snakebite piercings and an industrial. This proved to France she was the real deal, and not a fake.

"u-uhh hay, meh name is Emiliabeth joan of Arc Napoleon Bonaparte Ravenclaw." The hottest gurl in the world said, picking up the shopping list France dropped while he bumped into her.

"H-hi….. name is France" France say in his most seducing voice. It not working though. The hot girl just start reading France's shopping list.

"I s-see you have 2 CHEESE WHEELS written down on here, were you planning on sharing one or was you just gunna eat boh like a fatass?" the gurl say.

France notice not only was she hot, but she also very sassy. He like sassy. "W-well I can't turn down sharing some curded milk with a lady of ur statutory" france say bending over to bow. Unfortunately for him, the way his body was bent like this made him fart out a fart that almost ended the world but instead only left 2 dead and nobody hurt.

"ew " Emiliabeth Joan of Arc Napoleon Bonaparte Ravenclaw say. She turn and leave because the fart smell like her stepfathers breath did- like failure.

France cry because he lose the date of a lifetime. Now he will never find ture luv, only that gurl he just saw could give him what his little member wanted…

"Don't cry france " a small voice say from behind France. France turn around and see who be behind him. It was AMERICA, ITALIA, AND GERMNAY!

"YOU GUYS I EM SO SAD RERT NER, I LOSE THE 1ST GIRL I LUV IN SO LONG BECAUSE MY ASS LET OUT A HOWL FROM THE GATES OF HELL" French cry in desperation as he collapse to the ground, his body thudding like the sack of potatoes my brother threw at my face the other day.

"it's okay Freanch, I see in my pasta, that you will find true luv, and really soon" Bonjourno italia say looking into his bowl of bowtie pasata. It was steaming hot cause he just took it out of the microwave.

"WHO IS IT" FRENCH ask now excited.

"It is us" Italy say, his face dead monotone, "your friends"

AND THEY ALL FRENCHED. .

(A/N: how was that for a tear jerker sotry huh? Remember, even when everybody is being a first class doughbag 2 u, u still got ur friendz to help you through life. Don't forget that ever- young paddle one….)


	9. Chapter 9: Keepin' it Real In Paradise

**Chaptah 9: Keepin' it Real In Paradise **

**A/N: sry 4 beein' out 4 so long guyz, just been bizzy with colegio and what not. Also j ust life in general. Ya' know? Anywayz, here is the nex t wonderous addtition 2 this masterpiece of a story. ENJOY!  
**

**Previously:**

_Francois got hiz heart broken and what not, merican gets off on getting out of the hospital, and italia and germnay are just existing…._

**Present:**

"Guyz, we knead to cheer up Francey Pantz, he iz so upset from not being able to tap that hot piece of lady mound flesh that was explained in the last chaptah" Italia say as he eat his 3 cheese rotini. Looking at francos' face lately remind him of his grandmama's saggy boobage, depressing and lifeless from a hundred years of wear n tear. Italia shudder at the thought of his grandmas twin buddha's. But he could knot deny they resemblance to francess' tragedy of a face.

"I agree wif young Helatio" Germnay agree with a look of wrought serialness on his face.

"Then let's get crack' a ' lackin' on a funky fresh party, yo" Merican' say, double fisting burgers like the end was near… little did he know….. it almost was…

They write up the invites, and send them out. It was all in the hands of FedEx now. But its okay, they are pro, unlike those noobs at UPS.

**(69 Days l8tr)**

"PARTAY TIME WOOT" Healthy Helatio screeched, as he passed out bowls of macaroni to the party guests. Merican' happily took a bowl from italia, but he quickly throw it away, cause he brought his own burgers and pasata was for the weak.

'Merica, fuck yeah!' thinks merican as he smile wryly and rub his hands together slowly. Beads of sensual sweat drip from his chiseled forehead. His eyes soften and he parts his mouth slightly. Wisps of his blonde hair fly into his face as a rush of blood causes his face to flush. His legs tremble and he is forced to sit down. He had experienced this before. The lack of burgers was causing renal failure. He needed to eat some of those angelic meat patties and fast.

"Merican, you don't look wel" Heltaio say looin at americans unwashed face.

"I-I….." Merican try to ask for burgers but alas, he couldn't. He was dying, and it was his birthday…

TO BE CONTINUED…..


	10. Chapter 10: Mission Impossible

**Chapter 10: Mission Impossible**

**A/n: Man, sure haz ben awhile since I posted a chap. Sry fer tha wait homies and homos. But, anyways, uh, read this.**

**Previously: **

_Merican starts to die from the renal failure cause his didn't have enough burgers in his boudoir and he wuz at a partay and it was really his birthday partay by he don't know that cause he is dying breh._

**Present:**

Young Helatio look upon Americans ashy sunken face. Wisks of merican's brittle blonde hair framed his dying face. Foamy saliva poured from his mouth like the water that spews out of a fire hydrant when the goddam kids in your neighborhood bust it open with a wrench then blame it on you and you get lots of trouble because fire hydrants are not for playing with.

Suddenly, Merican started going into mad convulsions. He eyes roll up and slither to the back of his head, his tongue flopped around outside his mouth, making slurping sounds as it turned a ghastly shade of grey. His hair fall out all at once. He erection poke through his thin trousers. While looking at Merican's meat stick, Helatio suddenly felt a pain in his side, like he had been punched. When he looked, it turned out he had been punched. MErican was so out of it during seizure mode, that he had started punching anyone near him. Francey pants was out cold from a right hook to the 'ole noggin'.

"Francois!" Helatio shout, teers falling from his repulsive face and into his freshly baked lasagna. He cry harder now b/c not only was one of his friends unconscious, but now his fucking lasagna was fucking ruined.

Looking deep into his soggy lasagna, Italia see merican', prancing in a field of daisies as white as a right wing republican. Amongst the daisies, Merican was smiling, he was so happy, so alive. Then he turned and pointed to something, something in bowl. Helaito squint to see it better...it was...it was...

"pasta" Helatio whisper softly.

Pasta… that is wat would save meriCAN'S LIFE, not some sweaty burger that clogged the arteries. No. Hearty pasata was the magical cure. Hetalia shoot up like a heroin junkie and dash for the door, he needed to go to the supermarket and get ingredients. It was going to be a long night.

"Where are you going?" Germnay call after the boi.

"I'll be back" Helatio reply clenching hist fists. And he take off into The Dark Knight Rises.


End file.
